Entertainment Postscript

I forgot to mention that the best comic we had on the cruise was Tom O'Connor who really was quite good. Janet Googled how old he was and we were surprised to learn that he's only 75. He looked worn out and must be worried about his health because he'd brought what we assumed was a nurse with him.

Fred Olsen finish their cruises with a very enjoyable Crew Show and so some genius at P&O decided that they could do the same thing with a Passenger Show. Unfortunately, the essential difference is that crew will do what they are told and practice till they get it right and passengers won't. Also, with passengers, you are more likely to get someone whose performance makes his family cringe with embarrassment every Christmas and doesn't understand that “we look forward to this every year” is not necessarily praise. I wonder if P&O's HR Department now use the Passenger Show to grade their entertainment staff – get it right and you're fast tracked to Cruise Director, get it wrong and you're on your way back to Tesco's Southampton.

There was another Celine Dion impersonator in the main theatre so, on our last night, we settled down in Carmens to watch the Passenger Show. Centre stage, the most junior Entertainment Officer, caught like a rabbit in the spotlights, gripped the microphone rather too tightly. He announced that tonight he was presenting no less than nine different acts – all of them men. At that moment you just knew that things were not going to end well.

An octogenarian sang a love song for his wife to celebrate their diamond wedding anniversary and understandably got thunderous applause. He took this as sign of encouragement and decided to sing another song, and then yet another. The leader of the resident band Kool Blue (no neither do I) tried desperately to find matching tunes whilst staring at the Entertainments Officer with an “I did warn you” look on his face. Learning from their mistake, the audience only gave the Elvis impersonator polite applause but there was no way he was now going leave without an encore. As he launched into another one of Elvis's hits the leader of Kool Blue just shrugged his shoulders and played the first tune again.

The first intentional attempt at comedy came from another elderly gentlemen. He told everyone he was going to give them a school lesson and then spent the next five minutes sorting out a flip chart and finding his pens, his speech and something to point with. Writing down the word DONKEY he asked the audience “what do you call a donkey with a wooden leg” - silence - “a WONKEY DONKEY”. He wrote WONKEY on the flip chart and, repeating his question, he insisted that the audience read out the words. Next came “What do you call a donkey with a wooden leg who is playing the piano” - silence - “a HONKEY TONKEY WONKEY DONKEY”. Writing down the new words he repeated the question and once again insisted that the audience read the flip chart aloud. And so on -

I must admit that as he filled up the first page of the flip chart I did find this mildly amusing but as he started on the third page I was beginning to contemplate the perfect murder. By the time he had finished I had decided that if I had strangled him on stage the whole of the audience would have been prepared to swear that they had seen nothing. By the time we got to act five the show had outrun the time allocated and the audience were starting to leave. The waiters, who weren't looking forward to their additional change-over duties early the next morning, were beginning to get restless. The accidental chink of empty glasses was rising to a crescendo.

The next “comedian” stood at a lectern and read out his jokes which he had transcribed to paper from the original parchment. As more people left, a song and piano man explained that, as there was no piano, he would have to manage with Kool Blue's electronic organ although he'd never played one before. This wasn't a surprise because he'd started his act grovelled about on the floor trying to find out what all the pedals did. By the final act the audience had reduced mainly to friends and family although a few brave souls or bloggers remained. This time it was a relatively young man who sang and played the guitar. It was an amazing noise. I can't say that I've never heard a sound like it but then again I have done several building projects inside secure mental hospitals.

The Entertainments Officer finally wound up the show with a look of relief tinged with sadness as he contemplated his new career at Tesco. Behind us, I heard a man give his opinion of the show to his wife. “Well er” he said, obviously considering his words carefully “It was better than the f***ing Juggler”

Dave

Janet's Diary

23rd September

Vigo.  I really like this town, especially as a final port of call.  It has lots of 'normal' shops and restaurants, rather than those aimed purely at tourists.  The locals outnumber the cruisers and once away from the area close to the quayside, it's rare to bump into a fellow passenger.

We waited until late morning to leave the ship, as we were here until 3:30pm and the sun was on our side of the ship.  It's so quiet onboard as the vast majority of passengers get off as soon as they can and return to the ship in time for lunch.  This morning the crew had a fire drill while the ship was quiet, with real fake smoke, alarms and bells... It's good to know that P&O take these things seriously.  An announcement was also made that 'something' would be out of action for half an hour during the morning for routine maintenance , but unfortunately we missed hearing what the 'something' was.  Discovered it was the toilets when we went to use the facilities before going out!

Had a little wander along the promenade, then headed inland to the city centre, where we stumbled across Vigo's museum of contemporary art.  There was no charge to go in, and we had an interesting half hour trying to fathom out what the art was about - it was mostly video installations, you know the sort of thing,  black & white film of someone staring into space... One of the films, 32 minutes long, was called something like Searching For Love, and it consisted of a video of a man placing a gramophone needle onto a record time after time after time, until he hit the point where the word 'love' was being sung. Mmmmmmmm.

Since we were last here, they've built a large shopping mall on the quayside.  We had a little look round - not much to interest us, though I did buy a packet of Jelly Bellys ( or should that be Jelly Bellies?) from an American Sweet Shop.  We ate some of them as we watched tonight's movie, Cuban Fury.


24th September 2014

The last day of a cruise is always strange. Deck 7 is busy as the shops onboard give us another opportunity to purchase all those 'bargains' we may have missed first time around. The Inch of Gold table is in evidence, alongside the handbags, bottles of perfume, t-shirts and Aurora teddy bears.  We've all received the P&O customer satisfaction survey forms, and at dinner last night the Cruise Director almost begged us to complete them, adding that usually the return rate was very low.  No wonder, as they ask such darned stupid questions!  

The sun shone on our balcony all morning, so once we'd come back from the film talk (Jaws) we sat and read out there.  I've selected six of my paintings to display in the Art Class exhibition this afternoon.  It'll be interesting to see them compared to the work of others. There's a sort of Strictly Come Dancing show at 2pm, starring volunteer passengers paired with members of the Entertainments team.  And the cinema is showing four different films during the day, which is a great idea.  Plus all the usual quizzes, seminars (sales pitches), deck games and dance classes - I don't know how anyone will have time to pack their cases.

XX
Janet

Entertainment

 My favourite cruising activity, or rather inactivity, is sitting on the balcony reading with one eye and dolphin watching with the other. I've been doing a lot of this since we left Piraeus on our three day run down the Mediterranean. We're going east to west so we've got no sun on the balcony but it's warm and humid, like a sauna with a sea view. It's been most enjoyable but nothing has happened to disturb the normal routine of life at sea.

Janet suggested that I should blog about the juggler but some things are beyond parody. He was billed as a comic juggler but the audience didn't think he was funny and he rather let his frustration show. I really don't understand why anyone would risk booking a juggler for the Aurora. The theatre is jammed into the front end and, if the weather is a bit rough, the bows chop though the water and it's sometimes difficult for the dancers to keep their feet. Now juggling under those conditions would have been funny.

We've now had a magician, a ventriloquist and a juggler in the theatre, so I'm hoping for a performing dog or maybe even a mime artist before we get back to Southampton. We've only spotted 4 children so it looks like P&O have seriously overbooked on children's entertainers. The juggler's evening show has now been cancelled and he's been moved to an afternoon matinee at the same time as the Chocoholics Buffet. He must have annoyed the Cruise Director as well as his audience and it looks like revenge will be the sweets.

To be fair, the entertainment on this cruise has been above average, although this rating has been helped by the above excellent performances of the resident group Caravan. As well as playing all over the ship, they've done a couple of cabaret acts about the music of the Eagles and the BeeGees, which came as close to a standing ovation as you're likely to get from a room of elderly Brits with walking aids. We've had one very good speaker with a series of talks about the history of cinema and the films in Aurora's cinema would have been good if we hadn't seen most of them at the Island, St Annes. Dragging the average down, again, has been P&O's ubiquitous song and dance troupe, the Headliners.

As always the Headliners are young, energetic and for the most part talented. They are fine doing tributes to Abba or Queen in Carmens, the atmospheric show lounge, but in the proper theatre, trying to do musical stories, their youth and enthusiasm isn't enough. The productions and particularly the choreography would have been clichéd a generation ago and the cardboard set that says “Hitsville USA” should be decently buried at sea. Earlier this year there was a documentary on the TV about how the Headliners troupes were selected and trained in shed at Southampton docks. The good news is that the people in charge looked like they were heading towards their retirement dates. The bad news is that they might still have time to teach their successors everything they know.

Dave

Janet's Diary, still at sea

Sunday 21st September

We didn't get up until nearly half past nine this morning - our neighbours on one side (not the talkative ladies) are drawer slammers and they usually wake us up soon after 8am, but they must have overslept and consequently so did we.  So we missed shuffleboard again. After a quick breakfast we headed to the theatre, where Helen McGregor talked about the film Gentlemen Prefer Blondes.  Once again, extremely interesting.

Having been fairly inactive for a couple of days, today we decided to try to get a bit of exercise in.  We did just over a mile walk after the lecture and another, slightly longer walk before dinner.  We both felt better for it, and will try to do more tomorrow.

Art class was good, even though I'm still unable to make the brushes create the picture that's in my head.  Today's subject was a lion cub.  While I was out, Dave watched the Singapore Grand Prix on the TV in the cabin.

We've been sailing along the coast of Algeria today and the weather has continued to be hot - cloudy this morning, but the sun broke through about noon.  Temperatures in the 80s still, though I expect that will change tomorrow once we get past Gibraltar.  Even though we're on our way home, all these sea days have been very relaxing and so far there's no 'end of holiday' feeling.

Enjoyed a margarita before dinner tonight, while watching Caravan's BeeGees tribute act.  Headliners were performing the after dinner show in the theatre - we didn't fancy that - and the film was Philomena, which we've already seen, so it was Kindles and an early night for us.


Monday 22nd September

The early night, combined with the clocks being put back one hour overnight, meant I slept badly. I got up before 7am and watched the sun rise over a glassy sea.  We feel cheated that we've had such calm seas all the time - but maybe the Bay of Biscay will give us the ship's movement that we crave!

Missed shuffleboard yet again this morning as it clashed with the film lecture, which today was about Bonnie & Clyde.  I think we'll be renting some old movies when we get home.  We'll view them in a whole new light having learnt a bit about the making of them.

After my art class (barn owl) we scooted down to the Chocoholics Buffet.  A shadow of its former self - we walked past rows of sickly looking cakes before deciding not to bother, and headed instead for toasted teacakes in the Orangery.

Xx
Janet

Diary - sea days

19th September

No idea what day it is...

But it's a heavenly sea day - still warm and sunny, though our cabin is now on the North side of the ship and will be so until we reach the Atlantic in a couple of days time.  So we get no sun on the balcony - perfect for me!  Whilst I went to my art class this afternoon, Dave found a chair on the sundeck and grabbed a few rays whilst doing a bit of whale watching. (Passengers, not marine life).

Last night's entertainer was a juggler.  Oh dear.  He was talented, but once you've seen one trick, you've more or less seen them all.  The theatre was not even a quarter full, and I think the audience for his second show later this week will be even sparser.

Our routine for the next three days will be more or less the same as today - breakfast, shuffleboard at 10:15, lecturer about history of cinema at 11:15, lunch, art class at 2:15, afternoon tea, read on the balcony, cocktail or martini or the day in the pub, dinner, and The Entertainment of The Day.  Tonight we saw the Headliners Do Abba, a very energetic and mostly excellent performance.

Saturday, 20th September

We woke to discover our balcony window was covered in condensation - on the outside. When we stepped outside our glasses steamed up!  It's SO humid out there, I daren't sit outside for long or I'll end up with total frizz.  There's heavy cloud cover, and it's hard to see where the sky ends and the sea begins.  Weird weather.  Still, we had a walk round the top deck after breakfast and there are many people lying there in their Speedos and bikinis.

We've just come back from listening to a lecture about the film Singing in the Rain.  It was really good and makes me want to watch the movie again, preferably on a large screen.  Lunch beckons... Then my art class, and tonight we have a pre-dinner cocktail party for members of P&O's loyalty club.  Membership is awarded after your first cruise with P&O, so I'm confident that everyone on board will have had an invitation.  We've certainly not come across any first time cruisers.  Tonight's entertainment is yet another female singer (described as a personality vocalist), so yet more songs from the shows.  We won't be attending.  I've been down to the shop to suss out what sweets they sell.  TV and Maltesers for us tonight...

Xx
Janet

Mini diary from Piraeus

Thursday 18th September

Piraeus.  When we booked this cruise, I had a feeling that Piraeus was going to be the low-point.  We've docked here twice before, the first time doing the ship's excursion to see the major sights of Athens, and the second time we took the train to Athens and gave ourselves smog-poisoning.  So today we decided to have a look at the port.  Next time we come, we'll stay on the ship - Piraeus has little to offer apart from the chance to get killed trying to cross major roads without any form of pedestrian crossings.  Having said that, staying on the ship wasn't a particularly pleasant option either.  It's a fairly busy ferry port, and there's constant noise.  It was a real reminder of why we like sea days best.  Hurrah, the next four days will be at sea.  Bring it on!

Janet
Xx

The Fallen Madonna

As we visited Lesbos yesterday, it seems like the right time to blog about another Aurora Icon. This is the statue that runs though 4 decks of the atrium which we have always called the Fallen Madonna for obvious reasons. The style is Pre-Raphaelite and it looks like its made out of Lalique glass but it's probably painted plastic. The statue actually depicts two Greek maidens of the sort that are usually seen with canopies on their heads but these have bigger hair. The dominant maiden is standing and pouring a large jug of water over the head of the sub dominant who is kneeling at her feet. The sub is holding up her hand to protect her hair. I've no idea what it's supposed to represent - perhaps they're getting ready for a wet toga competition.

Water was supposed to flow in a channel down the statue from the jar and then disappear behind the kneeling maiden's hand. It never worked properly from the day Aurora was launched. The problem was that, when the pump delivered too much water or when the ship rolled, the water splashed over the hand and out into the atrium. At the bottom of the statue are steps that the ships photographers use for formal portraits. At worst the water feature was a health and safety nightmare and at best passengers had to pose in their evening wear in a light drizzle.

The first time we were on Aurora, two workman sailed with us from Southampton to try to fix the problem. They were young, looked quite rough and wore white boiler suites with Acme Water Features or something similar stamped the back. At our dinner table was a lady of indeterminate age called, for the purposes of this story, M. She only drank champagne and only ate fish and asparagus. She had been a dancer on the Benny Hill Show and ended up marrying one of the producers. When the time came for him to trade her in for a younger model, he gave her an off shore trust fund as a goodbye present. In order to avoid UK tax, she had to spend most of her time abroad and so she just stayed on board the Aurora and paid for it out of the tax she saved. It seemed, like the Marie Celeste, she was doomed to sail the seven seas forever.

From the rather too much information we received at the dinner table, we learned that M considered that the workman had been provided, specifically for her, by P&O as a sort of loyalty bonus. After four days on the statue and four nights on M they left the ship at Gibraltar, exhausted but with the statue still not repaired. I don't know how many more men were sent by Acme Water Features or how many of them fell into M's clutches but, by the next time we cruised on Aurora, she had left for another ship and the water had been turned down to a dribble. It looked like a toilet with a leaking syphon and that's how it has remained for the last twelve or so years.

I do hope that the water feature is scheduled to be repaired during the coming refurbishment so that it can finally be seen as the artist intended. All that the kneeling maiden needs is a larger hand (no one would notice) with a bigger drain hole and perhaps a motion censor to switch off the pump in stormy weather. That can't cost a lot against a budget of £26M and there might even be enough left for a small plaque in memory of all the brave men who have worked so tirelessly on the Fallen Madonna.

Dave

Janet's diary Wednesday

Wednesday 17th September

Overnight we sailed to the Greek Island of Lesvos, and woke this morning to find ourselves anchored in the bay close to the town of Mytilene.  From past experience we know that getting 1800 people off the ship by tender takes some time and we were in no hurry, so we had a leisurely morning watching the ship become quieter and quieter as the majority of passengers dashed ashore.  By the time we went down to the tender pontoon, there were just 10 of us making the short trip to dry land.

On shore, we sought out the castle on the hillside, which Tripadvisor reviews had advised was worth a look.  Parts of it date back to 354AD, but most was built in the 14th century.   It's a huge site, in ruins and not very well maintained, but there were plenty of information boards and we thought it was most interesting.  The views from the walls over the town towards the sea were fantastic too.  And, being at the top of a hill, with very little in the way of signing or publicity, there were few people there - bliss compared to the throngs at Ephesus!

We had a little wander round Mytilene after the castle.  The roads down the hill were treacherous, with no pavements, and once in the town's main street we had to watch out for scooters which seem to have the right to drive anywhere, even in pedestrianised areas.  We noticed dozens of what appeared to be stray dogs on the quieter roads, mostly just lying in the shade.  We've seen lots of cats in other places on this trip, but never so many dogs.

We decided to return to the ship mid-afternoon and weren't quite so lucky with the tender.  We had to join a long queue on the quayside and when eventually our turn came, we were squashed onto the ship's lifeboat.  Thankfully the sea was flat and the journey short, but it made me think how horrid it would be if one had to use a lifeboat in an emergency.

We spent the rest of the afternoon on the balcony, with me having to restrain Dave from swearing at the two ladies on the next balcony who talked incessantly.  Or maybe drivelled would be a better description.  We heard descriptions of every board game they'd ever played at Christmas, which ships they'd been on, and which ship they might go on next, which loyalty band they're in (Yes, you've guessed, they're Priority People), which biscuits they prefer, etc. etc.

Dinner under the stars in the Pennant Grill again.  We think the weather is going to be cooler from now on, so this will probably be the last opportunity for dinner outside.

Xx
Janet

Istanbul On Your Own

 Janet mentioned that we won the lottery for the view at Istanbul. We parked next to the Galata Bridge overlooking the inlet of the Bosphorus that becomes the Golden Horn. Across the water, our balcony faced Topkapi Palace, Hagia Sophia and the Blue Mosque. On the water, ferries chugged backwards and forwards on their way to play chicken with the tankers on the main channel to the Black Sea. In daytime this view is superb. At dusk, as the sky streaks pink and the floodlights on the Mosques and the lights on the ferries are switched on, the view becomes truly magical. One advantage of Islam is that they have more things to light up, and countless domes and minarets glow against the darkening sky.

Before arriving at Istanbul, P&O were thoughtful enough to send us a notice telling us to avoid civil unrest and terrorism on shore. Then, when we told a waiter that we were going out for a walk, he solemnly told us to be careful. In view of these warnings and, before I had noticed the armed guard at the bottom of our gangway, we decided to stick to touristy things and walk over to the square in front of Hagia Sophia to weigh up the open topped buses.

The centre of Istanbul is what travel writers call vibrant and everyone else would call teeming. Trying to avoid the crush, we took a short cut, using the alleys at the back of the Spice Bazaar, and then discovered what a real crush looked like. A couple of changes in direction, mainly for self preservation, and we were hopelessly lost. Janet eventually got us out by keeping the sun to her back and walking until we crossed the tram tracks – clever.

At Hagia Sophia we decided to leave the bus until the following day and walk back through a park we'd discovered. The long broad walkway was full of local families out for a Sunday stroll and there was a rich variety of cultures on display, projected mainly by the clothes of the women. Some in black from head to toe looked like de-beaked penguins. With all shades in between, those at the other end of the scale looked like they were heading for a night out in Newcastle. All of this is supposed to be OK in the modern secular Turkish state but I do wonder how long it will be before someone starts trouble because they don't like a particular God's fashion sense.

The traffic in Istanbul is horrendous. Normal rules of the road are, at best, viewed as suggestions and you can stop anywhere you like as long as you don't mind the sound of multiple horns. Walking isn't any safer. Pavements narrow to less that 2ft or sometimes disappear altogether forcing you to cross streams of fast flowing traffic. Safe crossing points are few and far between but we did find a solution. Young Turkish men run out of patience when they have waited more than 15 seconds and simply jump out into the road and stop the traffic. If you wait for the squeal of brakes you can then cross safely whilst everyone is gesturing at each other.

On previous trips to Istanbul we've done most of the main tourist attractions so the bus was a good way to get an overview of the City. We only passed two accidents but we saw numerous near misses. The bus was either stuck in traffic or rattling along at above the speed limit if indeed there is any such thing. To be fair, the bus company is starting to consider health and safety and those who had working earphones were warned on several occasions to sit down because we were passing under a low bridge. One one occasion they even played the announcement before we drove under the bridge.

Our route took us over the Bosphorus bridge which is a bit like the Golden Gate Bridge only rustier. It is approached by a high level motorway over a very dense housing area which was a long way down from the top deck. Janet closed her eyes and thought of England. I kept mine open but did wonder if we were properly insured or if a tourist bus ride in Istanbul might be considered an extreme sport.

Dave

Updating the diary...

Monday 15th September 2014

Another hot day in Istanbul.  We ate in the Pennant Grill again last night, out on deck, overlooking the river and the exotic skyline.  As the sun set, many of the mosques were floodlit, making the scene even more magical.  At 10:30 we headed to the theatre to watch tonight's speciality act - Gary Lovini, described in the daily programme as 'a showman'.  I had a feeling he was a violinist, and also that he'd very recently played at the small theatre in our home town.  A quick text to Julie confirmed that Harold had been to see Mr Violin (anagram ) at the Lowther only a few days ago, but she didn't elaborate... Anyway, we took our seats, but it really wasn't our cup of tea.  I felt myself nodding off a couple of times, and was very glad when it was all over.  

We did the HoHo bus tour today and came back to the ship  mid-afternoon for a spot of relaxation on the balcony.  Around 6pm we watched Cunard's Queen Elizabeth and Windstar's Star Pride sail away. There have been two more small cruise ships here today, called Berlin and Corinthian, but not from cruise lines I recognise.  The line of cruise ships docked in Istanbul are a tourist attraction for those on the ferries and excursion boats that continually criss cross the water.  It's far from peaceful, but fascinating to watch.

Tonight's main act in the theatre was a ventriloquist.  He was actually pretty good, had most of the audience, including us, laughing.  After the show we briefly went out on deck to watch the deck party, but it's a bit cringe-worthy, so we didn't stay long.

Tuesday, 16th September

This morning we walked to the Istanbul Modern gallery, not far from the port.  Not a single artist that we'd heard of, but Wow, it was amazing.  We were quite overwhelmed by the variety and quality of the artwork. Back on the ship at lunchtime, just in time for Sailaway.  Once at sea, we headed to the theatre to hear a talk about the film The Wizard of Oz.  A new speaker, Helen McGregor, came onboard a couple of days ago and we'd enjoyed her first talk which was about the silent movie era.  Today's lecture was equally good, but it leaves us with a dilemma for the rest of the cruise as her time-slot will clash with shuffleboard or the art class.

Janet
XX

Janet's Diary

Friday 12th September

A glorious day at sea, including the usual shuffleboard and art sessions, but crowned by the scenery as we first sailed through the Dardanelles into the Sea of Marmara, then passed the exotic buildings of Istanbul as we entered the Bosphorus at the end of the afternoon.  Just absolutely magical.

It was another formal night (very bored with these now) and afterwards decided to go to the cinema, but had to abandon the film after about half an hour as we were so tired.  A pity, as we were both enjoying it, but we knew we had an early start the following day.

Saturday 13th September

We had breakfast delivered to the cabin at 7am as we were heading out on our second tour of the cruise.  We're now in Bourgas, Bulgaria.  It's our first time in Bulgaria, so another country can be scratched off the map that Lisa bought us a while ago!

We'd booked a tour to a small town called Nesebar which is built on a rocky outcrop linked to the mainland by a causeway, about 40km from Bourgas. It has World Heritage Site status. The tour was called Highlights of Nesebar - the highlights are pretty good, but are all churches and fairly similar, so by the end of the morning we were glad to get back onto the coach and return to the ship.  If we come here again, and I hope we do, we will stay in Bourgas and visit the beach, promenade and park which we could see clearly from the aft decks today.

Shock horror... As we went for lunch we saw FOUR children in the burger cafe on deck 12.  Aged between about 4 and 8 I would guess - heaven knows where they've been hiding until now.

Before dinner this evening we went to Carmen's (show lounge), where the Headliners were performing their Queen tribute.  We've seen this before, and a similar show on Fred Olsen cruises, but it's always worth watching. There are 5 singers in the current Aurora troupe, plus 2 male dancers and 6 female dancers.  Thoroughly enjoyed the performance and we went into dinner with big grins on our faces.  Later in the evening we watched Stephen Garcia, a comedian/magician, whose act a bit different from the norm.  Nothing too amazing, but lots of giggle moments.

So another great day.

Sunday 14th September

The morning was mostly cloudy, but still very warm, as we sailed back down the Bosphorus heading for Istanbul, where we have a two night stay.  We've stayed in Istanbul on cruises twice before, and knew that to get the really great views over the water - and Topkapi, the Blue Mosque and Hagia Sophia - we would need to be docked port side on.... Would our luck hold out?  We watched from the balcony as a tug hovered along our side, ready to give Aurora a nudge if necessary... and YES, we almost whooped out loud as slowly Aurora did a 180degree turn to bring us round for glorious views for the next 48 hours - we are currently in the best hotel in town!

To be continued...

Janet

Ephesus

 The ancient city of Ephesus, or rather the kit to rebuild it, lies on a hillside about 10 miles from Kusadasi. The city was comprehensively trashed by rampaging Persian hordes in the 5^th Century BC. (check in Wikipedia) Archaeologists have been sticking fragments of it back together for over 100 years and when they can't find the right bit they just use a block of concrete which works surprisingly well. They haven't got very far, but there's just enough there to allow you visualise what the city must have looked like. The magic of Ephesus is that you can see all the working parts of a city dating back over 2000 years.

There are government buildings and communal toilets and bath houses with warm air heating. Paved roads with underground sewers and water pipes. (Some roads even had street lighting.) Lots of gates, fountains, monuments and a 25,000 seat amphitheatre with a channel for the blood, or it may just have been drainage. There is even a brothel with an underground tunnel to the public library. Library services were far more comprehensive in those days.

Our visit lasted two hours and we arrived 15 minutes early so they could sell us the opportunity to go the toilet. Inside the site, it felt like it must have done on the day the city fell. The rampaging Persian hordes were played by the thousands of passengers from the four cruise ships that were parked up in Kusadasi harbour. It's time that, as well as listing “World Heritage” sites, the United Nations publishes a “Destroyed by Tourism” listing with a logo that has to be prominently displayed in places of maximum greed. Ephesus now even beats Venice on my own draft list.

If you've never been to Ephesus I still think that it's a place you ought to see. If, like us you have seen it before, in quieter times, stay well away from the hell hole it now is and rely on your memories.

Postscript

The more observant blog followers will have noticed that we've not been posting any photographs. I've got a nasty technical problem with my laptop that I could fix if I had a decent fast internet connection. Unfortunate the internet on board is about as fast as a walk down the main street in Ephesus. Some of you will be worrying that we will now have to show you our holiday pictures when we get home but – worry not. Our camera was nicked in Ephesus - I hope that hasn't coloured my view of the place.

Dave

Two more pages from Janet's diary

Wednesday 10th September

Woke up to the sound of the thrusters, so knew we were just arriving in Rhodes. Opened the curtains to find a glorious view of the walled city, and full shade on the balcony... Hurrah!  It was 25degrees at 8am and we knew that by afternoon, when the sun had moved across the sky, it would be too hot to sit out, so we spent the morning reading and watching the crew do a full emergency drill.  All the lifeboats were launched and formed an orderly procession around the harbour.

By the time we headed off the ship, many passengers were returning, looking sweaty and absolutely exhausted.  Rhodes old town was pretty crowded as there was another cruise ship here today, Celebrity Reflection.  I'm not sure how many passengers are on that ship, but it was big and ugly, and I counted seven decks of balcony cabins. There were also two much smaller cruise ships, Orient Queen II and Louis Olympia.

Anyway, I'd done some pre-cruise research and we headed straight to the Palace of the Grand Masters, which in WW2 had been restored by Mussolini who intended to use it as a holiday home. He'd pilfered Roman mosaics from the neighbouring island of Kos and laid them on the floors of the palace.  It's all very impressive. A few rooms also contained an excellent exhibition of ancient 'stuff' from Rhodes - pottery, jewellery, lamps, etc.  these were the best rooms as they were air-conditioned.

After leaving the Palace, we were very brave considering the temperature and paid €2 each to walk round the city walls.  The sun was blazing down, but the views were amazing, though Greece obviously doesn't have the same regard for Elf'n'Safety that we do in the UK.  We'd thought it might be a bit like walking round the York or Chester walls, if a little hotter, but stairs up to the wall had no handrails and the wall itself was extremely rough underfoot, with huge unguarded drops all along one edge. Anyway, we survived, and had a little wander round the town and the harbour before returning to the ship in time for afternoon tea.

What a perfect day.



Thursday 11th September

Kusadasi - 32degrees.  Three other cruise ships in port,  but our view was wonderful all day.  Those on the port side were not so lucky, as Cunard's Queen Elizabeth towered over that side of the ship.  Two smaller ships were also in port - Ocean Princess, which looks very attractive (I may have to reconsider my 'never again' verdict of Princess), and one of the Star clippers which has sails controlled by computers.

After our trip to Ephesus, which Dave may blog about, we had a little walk along the sea front at Kusadasi and tried to ignore the hassle you get as you walk along the compulsory route through the bazaar.  A couple of children on the promenade had bathroom scales and were offering to weigh passers-by for 50cents.  I don't know if they got any customers, but I certainly don't want to know my weight at the moment!  Kusadasi is very low on my list of favourite ports of call. If you like shopping for jewellery, carpets or fake designer t-shirts, it's great.  We don't, so we'll probably stay on board if we ever come here again.

Struggled to find anything we fancied doing after dinner tonight - there was another violin concert, the Deadliners were performing 'Blame it on the Boogie', karaoke in the sports bar, and the film sounded soppy and long, so we went outside for a while and watched the stars and the ship's wake before heading for an early night.

Janet

Diary - somewhere in the Med

Tuesday 9th September

A sea day, very warm but with some cloud so it's been pleasant to sit out on the balcony.  The usual sea day activities filled the day.  But Hold the front page... We both got through to Round 2 of the shuffleboard before being eliminated. In Art Class we painted a giraffe's head. Easa the art teacher certainly doesn't make things easy.

The dress code this evening was formal - Black & White - so the Viyella white sequinned jacket got another airing.  Whilst most ladies were dressed in black and/or white, I thought that many of the outfits were by no means as dressy as they used to be. I was at the glitzy end of the spectrum tonight!

Traditionally, P&O dinners have been a form of "silver service" - the main elements of the main course are plated up, usually with a small portion of potato and garnish, but additional, different, potatoes and vegetables are dished out by the waiters.  There's been a lot of anxiety on cruise forums recently as the company has decided to ditch this and follow other major cruise lines by going to a ready-plated service.  I personally think this is far better, as it should mean that more appropriate veg is provided with each dish.  Two days ago, I chose a veggie main course - grilled halloumi with roasted peppers and aubergines, tzatziki and flatbreads.  The waiter came round and tried to add mashed potato and carrots to my plate!  Similarly, with a plate of fish, chips and mushy peas - would madam like some roast potatoes, green beans and ratatouille?  Crazy!

We didn't fancy any of the entertainment on offer tonight - yet another singer -so after dinner we headed back to the cabin to read and watch TV.  I don't know if this cruise was marketed as a Music cruise, but there have been a lot of classical performances during the evening.  And, Julie, you could have joined in with the Choir at Sea again.  I'm not sure what they're going to perform, but no doubt we'll be invited to listen to them all at some point.

Rhodes tomorrow.  The Captain has told us it's going to be hot hot hot.

Xx
Janet

Malta

We woke in Malta to the sound of cannon fire. Later we learned that it was a bank holiday. Malta has been in so many wars that they have to double up on anniversaries. This bank holiday was celebrating the surrender of Italy in 1943 and the lifting of the great siege of the Knights of St John in 1565.

A man from Stockport Highways Department once tried to sell me a roundabout. He said I could name it, use it to advertise my firm and pay for its upkeep but I couldn't live on it and he rang off when I asked about keeping dairy cattle. Someone in Valletta’s Highway Department has thought of an even better scam to raise money. I guess that before they put up signs to tourist attractions they find out which of the local cafés and shops will pay to be on the route. They then direct you past these businesses irrespective of their location. It's the only explanation that I can think of for why we did two laps of Valletta, following the signs to the Lascari War Rooms, before we actually found them.

The walk gave us chance to visit a conveniently located café and to see (and hear) the noonday cannons, a very large bell and fireworks being set off from a barge in the harbour. I thought that they hadn't quite got the right idea about fireworks until I realised that all they really wanted was the bangs. I suppose that, after several hundred years of being shelled by various armies, they get a bit nervous when it's too quiet. We never found Marks and Spencer’s so I assume Highways didn't get them to pay up.

The Lascari war rooms, where the invasion of Sicily and then Italy was overseen, were interesting and well restored but no attempt had been made to create an atmosphere. However, in an adjoining cinema, they played a film about a winter convoy trying to get through to Malta in 1943. It was grainy old black and white footage - the weather was appalling and German planes were sinking ships or being shot out of the sky. After a luxury cruise to the island it brought home to us how different the journey must have been in wartime.

The receptionist, taking a lead from Highways, showed us a very complicated route back to the ship. After two corners we were lost again but we found a rock garden (mainly rocks) on some high ground overlooking the Aurora with lots of local men gathered by an ancient wall. They were watching the Victory Day Regatta in which teams, in what looked like sea going gondolas, rowed against each other in a race across the harbour.

Janet chatted up a local and discovered that the races commemorated the boatmen who used to do the dangerous job of ferrying sailors to and from the hundreds of ships moored there in the war. Each district enters a team but apparently competition is now so hot that the districts employ the best athletes they can find and don't look to closely at post codes. The race we saw was fast, furious and exhausting. The winners crossed the line to loud cheering and, of course, the inevitable sound of cannon fire.

Dave

Janet's diary Again

Monday 8th September

Dave said he'd blog about Malta, so my diary today will be brief.  We had a really great day and topped it off by dining in the Pennant Grill, the 'pay extra' restaurant which pops up on Deck 8 Aft every evening. The food in the normal dining room is good - for mass catering - but the Pennant Grill is simply divine.  I'd booked and paid (about £8 each) for this meal in advance on the Internet, so was surprised to discover that we qualified for a special offer which they've been advertising in the last few days - free bottle of wine when you dine in the Grill on certain days before 7:30.  Since a bottle of wine is about £16 on the ship, it made it a very cheap night out!  I chuckled when I saw Morecambe Bay Shrimps on the menu.  On a ship, in the middle of the Mediterranean, we find one of our Lancashire specialities in pride of place... Yeahhhh!!!!

The ship's photographers pounce at various events during the cruise, starting with boarding at Southampton ("No, I don't want to pose for a boarding photo, I've been on a bleep bleep coach since six o'clock this morning").   They took soft-focus portraits of everyone at dinner last night.  We've worked out over the years that it's quicker and easier to get rid of the photographers by just letting them take the photos.  They print out each image and display them along a corridor the following day, so you can look at yours and decide whether you want to buy it.  We just looked at our soft-focus photos from last night and they're OK - but  £11.80 each!!!  Needless to say, we won't be buying them.

Janet
Xx

Janet's diary again

Saturday 6th September 2014

We woke really late this morning (9:30) partly due to the clocks being forwarded an hour during the night.  After a quick breakfast in the Orangery, we had a walk round the decks observing all the sun worshippers stretched out in rows, then headed to the daily shuffleboard competition where we were both eliminated in the first round again.

It was a beautiful day and since we've been travelling virtually due east, we've had some sun on the balcony all day, but also enough shade for me to find a corner in which to cower.

Art class was good this afternoon.  We painted a dachshund.  Yup.  A dachshund.  However, most of our results were definitely not candidates for Crufts. Recognisable as dogs, but not pure-breds!

Tonight was a formal evening.  Posh frocks for the girls and dinner jackets for the boys.  The choice of entertainment was Tom O'Connor in the theatre, a musical quiz (couldn't go to that as Julie wasn't with us to answer all the questions), the Syndicate quiz (too intense), ballroom dancing in the show lounge (we don't dance), or a film - 'Chef'.  I quite fancied going to the cinema, but since we'd never heard of the film and weren't able to easily check it out on Rotten Tomatoes, we decided not to risk it.

So having looked at the options it appeared that it might have to be Tom O'Connor again.  I did remember to Google 'how old is Tom O'Connor' when I uploaded yesterday's diary, and was surprised to see he's not yet 75 - he looks older.  We headed to the theatre after dinner, but it was pretty crowded so we opted instead for a drink in the Crow's Nest bar.


Sunday 7th September

Another sea day, so our day's activities were pretty similar to the last couple of days.  Both knocked out of the shuffleboard competition in the first round again - my female opposition was a particularly competitive woman, but I just giggled my way through the game, delighting when at one point I managed to smash her puck out of the scoring zone.  I apologised profusely of course, telling her that I had no control whatsoever of where I was shuffling.

 The promenade deck is very busy during the day, so I decided to try a late afternoon walk today. Managed six laps in just over half an hour, with one pause to watch some dolphins.

There was a deck party on the back of the ship after dinner, with Caravan providing the music - mainly old pop music.  We  stayed until they finished at midnight.

Malta tomorrow...

Janet

Bath-wombs

We've had our first blockage which, after reading the paranoid warning leaflet that we were given on our first day, came as no surprise. Someone in an adjoining cabin must have flushed something they hadn't eaten. Reception was permanently engaged so I walked down five decks, thinking of the walk back, (we're not using the lifts) and rather grumpily complained. “Our toilet won't flush and I'm just getting the engaged sound from Reception so maybe the phone's broken as well” - I said to a young man of indeterminate nationality, who told me that the plumber was already working on the blockage. Later in the day, a telephone engineer arrived to check our phone. British sarcasm doesn't always translate.

I said I'd blog about Aurora's iconic features and the bath-wombs in the balcony cabins are definitely one of them. They are prefabricated pods moulded almost entirely out of pink plastic. This method of construction enabled them to be “ergonomically designed” which is architect's jargon for cramming everything you need into a very small space. Lying in a bath of warm water, the ship gently rocking, and surrounded by all those pink curves is strangely comforting.

At college I wrote a thesis that predicted that by now most domestic bathrooms would be built in this way. One of the many reasons why I was wrong is that the materials available are still not quite good enough. If you scratch a basin that is moulded out of a wall you need a new wall and, if the wall is no longer made, you need a new bathroom. Plastics also age and change colour depending on, well, lots of things. The bathrooms already look like they've had a few skin grafts and it would be almost impossible to match new bits to the old.

The cabins on the Aurora are now looking a bit tatty and are ready for November's refit. It will be easy to decorate the bedrooms, change the carpets and furniture and fettle up the bullet proof German fittings – the bath-wombs are a different matter. Time will tell but I think P&O will have to cut their losses and rip them all out and start again. So Ste, if you're reading this, keep an eye on eBay and look out for an ex-Aurora bathroom for your London flat. With one of these and a few alterations you could end up with enough room in your kitchen to swing both of your cats.

Dave

Janet's diary 5th September

Friday 5th September

I was awake soon after seven and peeped out of the window to see the coast of North Africa lit by a golden glow and not a cloud in the sky.  A hot and sunny day in store, for sure.  We decided to risk the Orangery buffet for breakfast , usually somewhere we avoid as it's often chaotic and noisy up there, but this morning there were lots of empty tables and we sat right by the window watching the sea as we ate our croissants.  Yes, that's all we had... Has food fatigue set in already?!!!

Dave went off to play shuffleboard but I went to the morning art class as there was a WI get-together in the afternoon which I also wanted to attend.  We painted a wading bird this morning, I am informed it was called a turnstone, but the class's efforts resembled everything from thrushes to cuckoos and flamingos.  I'm really enjoying the art classes and (sshhh) might start painting again when I get home.

The WI get-together turned out to be a waste of an hour.  Seven of us were there and most of the others were officials within their groups, and terribly Keen (Polite way of saying obsessed).  I suppose I ought to have guessed that might be the case.  They have two more meetings planned, but I think I'm busy then. Whenever it is.

Dress code tonight was 'Smart' (jackets must be worn by the men, and ladies are advised to wear smart separates or an elegant dress). Dressing up fatigue is definitely setting in for me already, I really don't like all this formality, even though I do conform.

We decided to watch the Headliners show after dinner.  They were performing 'Stop in the Name of Love', a show based on Motown hits.  Despite the exuberant performances, high volume and flashing lights, I found myself nodding off a couple of times.  The Headliners are without doubt a talented bunch of performers, but the the choreography is SO predictable.  Mind you, we were spoiled by our cruise on Allure of the Seas earlier this year, with their no-expense-spared productions.

Straight to bed and straight to sleep after the show.

We've not totally resolved our technical issues relating to uploading the blogs.  Our little net book gave up the ghost a few months ago, so this time we've brought Dave's elderly laptop and my iPad mini.  Dave writes his posts on his laptop, but then can't get onto Blogger to upload them, so has to email them to me to add them to the blog.  I've just about managed to work out how to do most blog-related things on the iPad, apart from uploading photographs.  There has been a lot of swearing in our cabin as we've struggled with the gadgets!

Xx
Janet

Shuffleboard Hustlers

I promised Janet I'd be more sociable on this cruise and so we're playing shuffle-board. It was either that or line dancing. Shuffle-board is played on deck 13. The object is to shove a timber puck with a bald broom across the deck so that it lands in a triangular target marked out with different scores. If you land on a line it doesn't count. Teams of two play each other over 4 ends. In total you get 8 shots each so here are 32 chances to score in a game.

I soon realised that some passengers take shuffle-board very seriously as winning mean points towards that coveted key ring. In my first game, my opponent explained that I was holding the broom too high which was making the puck flip over and roll into the scuppers. However, It would have been more sporting if he'd explained this at the beginning of the game instead of waiting until he'd won. As play progressed I began to pick out the shuffle-board hustlers. They were the ones who knew the rules and said things like “your puck is just touching the line ISN'T IT” They were also the ones with the scowls on their faces because somehow they weren't winning.

The shuffle-board court has been open to all weathers for 14 years and there are rough patches and smooth patches of boarding. The caulking between the boards is slightly raised and the timber pellets that cover the fixing screws (Aurora was built in Germany) have swollen and are uneven. I soon realised this means that, for beginners or experts , the length and direction of each shot is governed entirely by the laws of chance. A high scoring game is when both teams get one in.

We play each sea day and on Wednesday my partner and I got through to the semi final or second round depending on how you look at it. We lost in a high scoring game 8-10. In the final, after 4 ends, there was no score, so they played another two ends and the score was still 0-0. The redcoat in charge had a quiz to go to and so the match was settled by seeing who could put their puck nearest to the starting triangle. Even then it took two ends before anyone got a puck close enough to count. The winners celebrated like they had won Olympic gold and the shuffle-board hustlers just shook their heads in disbelief.

Postscript.

I've just come back from today's game and the shuffle-board hustlers are definitely doing better. I'm not surprised. Late last night on the balcony just before bed I'm sure I heard the sound of sandpapering coming from deck 13.

Dave

Another page from Janet's diary

Thursday 4th September 2014

Lisbon and, hurrah, the sun is shining!

We've been here a few times before and so I'd done a bit of research during the last month as we wanted to see something new.  Two areas of the city interested us, the Eduardo VII park and the Oriente district (formerly an EXPO site). Both are quite some distance from the city, even for seasoned walkers like us, so we'd decided that a Ho-Ho bus could be the answer.  My research showed that the City Sightseeing buses called at both places, so our mission seemed simple.  Unfortunately, we somehow managed to buy tickets for a rival firm 'Lisbon Sightseeing', whose buses have almost identical livery to the City Sightseeing ones, but appear to operate at far less frequent intervals.  So we spent almost an hour waiting for a Blue Route bus to arrive, and then, once on board, didn't dare to Hop Off in case we had trouble getting back!  Still, we saw both the sites and NEXT time we come here, we will take a taxi or the train and visit them properly.

We've been docked at the worst of Lisbon's docks - the Alcantara, close to the suspension bridge.  It's a long way from the city centre and is incredibly noisy, as it's a busy container port.  We drew the short straw too and our balcony is overlooking, and overlooked by, a huge crane which is continuously grabbing containers and loading them onto a constant stream of lorries.  Further down the river, at the more conveniently situated Apolonia dock, we saw HAL's Ryndam, a ship called Ocean Majesty and one of the posh three masted cruise ships (Sea Cloud?).

[Note for Julie - we thought Ryndam looked lovely, but Dave may put Sea Cloud on his bucket list, despite the lack of balconies and, I suspect, baths.]

Before we returned to the ship we bought Lisbon essentials... Six custard tarts.  :-). Consumed as we sailed away down the river.  Half an hour late we'd the glassy, flat-calm Atlantic, where we spotted a pod of dolphins

Caravan, Aurora's Filipino house band, played an Eagles tribute in Carmen's this evening before dinner.  It was a full house and they received a well deserved standing ovation.  We didn't get to any of the after dinner entertainment as nothing really appealed (female singer doing songs from the shows,  a race night, or the quiz.)  So back home to B253 for TV and reading until lights out!

Xx
Janet

Janet's Diary continued

Wednesday 3rd September
Grey skies - I wore my fleece all day.  We played shuffleboard again this morning - Dave got through to the second round today, more by luck than skill.  We are beginning to spot the serious competitors now... I think Dave may blog on this subject!

We did 4 laps of the prom deck after shuffleboard. It was slightly easier today as the lack of sun had kept most saunterers indoors.

Coming back to our cabin our neighbours were just leaving theirs.  Two older ladies.  We said hello and they said they hoped they were good neighbours.  I of course assured them that they were - only adding, once they were out of earshot, "apart from banging the drawers shut and talking loudly constantly".  Fortunately, they are older than us, and are on first sitting, so their noise isn't disturbing us really.  We hear them getting ready late in the afternoon, but I suspect they're pushing up the zzzzzzz's by 10pm.

Our cabin steward is called Urbano and is from Goa, where he has a wife and two small children. Captain Angelo Vago is in charge of the ship.  His noon broadcasts have been informative, but slightly tricky to understand due to his strong Italian accent.  Yes, Italian.  Let's not go there!

The afternoon was pretty much the same as yesterday afternoon, apart from the missing sun.  I went to Art Class where we painted a hibiscus flower.  Dave sat on the balcony and read his kindle.  He wished he'd brought a woolly hat with him.  I wish I'd brought a jumper!  The air conditioning on board is very fierce.

The first formal evening of this cruise was preceded by the Captain's Welcome Aboard Party, which we usually don't bother going to.  We decided to go tonight in the hope that some passenger statistics might be mentioned.  I've never heard so many mentions of World Cruises as I have in the last few days.  It seems as if everyone apart from us has been around the world!  Unfortunately no such information was disclosed, but we sat with Jim and Jackie from our table and I did manage to down two 'free' G&Ts in the half hour that we were there.

Tom o'Connor was headlining tonight's show, and despite whispers throughout the theatre about how old he was looking, he did a good job.  Back to the cabin and fell asleep almost immediately - it's been another pretty perfect day.

Xx
Janet

Janet's Diary

Sorry folks, my diary may repeat some of what Dave has already blogged

Monday 1st September 2014

Our local taxi firm took us to Blackpool to the coach pickup point, where I instantly recognised one of our fellow passengers - a lady who goes to a coffee club which I occasionally attend.  I think Dave was afraid that we might not shut up for the whole journey.  But at 6am, even I'm not in the mood for chit chat.

The coach journey from Blackpool to Southampton was OK. We'd reluctantly decided to use P&O's linked provider rather than Eavesway, and were a little anxious that the service wouldn't be as good as we'd had previously.  It was in fact almost identical.  Our coach was almost brand new and just as uncomfortable as the ones we've been on in the past.  We arrived at Southampton soon after 2pm and were on the ship about twenty minutes later.  Unbelievable!

Our cabin is one we've had before - B253 - and is exactly what we expected, though definitely in need of the upcoming refit.  The carpets and soft furnishings are decidedly shabby now and the bathroom is well past its sell-by date.  But it's all clean and tidy, and we managed to unpack our three large suitcases and get it all stowed away before going to the Muster Drill and then on to the Sailaway party for free champagne.  They were doing a roaring trade at the bar - well, I expect almost everyone qualifies for the free drink that returning customers are entitled to.  The party was held on Aurora's beautiful tiered aft decks, from where we watched the Entertainments team singing along to classics like Yellow Submarine and We Are Sailing.  (Cringe cringe!). I waved a fond farewell to Fred Olsen's Balmoral as we passed her, and gave an envious wave to Silver Cloud, a tiny cruise ship which is way out of our price range.  As part of his entertainment the cruise director tried to find out the age of the youngest person watching the Sailaway party.  He started with "anyone here under 70?"  Then dropped to "65?", someone confessed to being 50 and it seemed like she might be the youngest, but then a 34 year old was found... So far we have seen NO children, but a couple we sat with at Muster Drill said they'd seen two small ones.  I can cope with that!

So tonight is a casual dress code, and we're dining in the Alexandria Restaurant at 8:30pm on a table for 6.  The final potential disaster for our cheap last-minute booking - will we get on with our fellow diners?

Later...

Had a pre-dinner drink in Champions Bar, listening to a really good singer - think her name is Lyn Fredrick?  I had the martini of the day - a Kangaroo Martini.  It was very nice though I have no idea why is was called that.

Dinner was good.  One couple from Essex and the other couple from Dorset.  We managed to keep the conversation going OK.  Both couples had done many cruises, they'd lost count, and the Essex ones had done two World Cruises, even though they've only recently retired.   The other couple were much quieter, but we're perfectly happy with our table... Phew!

Went up to the Crows Nest after dinner, but almost immediately decided it was a bad idea,we were just too tired, so sloped off to bed.  And slept well.

Tuesday, 2nd September

Woke soon after seven, to fairly calm seas.  Cloudy this morning, but by lunchtime the sun had broken through and was on our balcony for the afternoon.

We had breakfast in Cafe Bordeaux, which is our favourite place to start the day.  They serve a very limited menu, in small portions, and you can usually have a table for 2 so there's no need to be sociable.  I had a mixed berry smoothie, apricot compote with natural yoghurt and granola, plus ONE small croissant. A healthy start to the day. Dave had Eggs Benedict.

We'd  had good intentions of maintaining this level of non-indulgence all day, but I'm sorry to report that we didn't succeed.  Lunch was a cheese salad (with chips) followed by a white chocolate eclair, and afternoon tea was a bit of a pig out.  The scones are just irresistible, and it's so hard to decide whether too have plain ones or fruit/nut ones, that you end up having both.

We did walk 4 laps of the Promenade Deck this morning though (3.2 laps equals 1 mile) and haven't used the lifts at all - even last night when we climbed 7 decks from the dining room to the Crows Nest.  This morning we also took part in the organised Shuffleboard competition.  Neither of us has played before.  But although we both got knocked out in the first round we didn't disgrace ourselves, and it was quite good fun as the majority of the competitors didn't take it at all seriously.

This afternoon Dave stayed in the cabin to write a blog, whilst I went to the first Art Class of the cruise.  The teacher is Easa, who was in charge of the first Art Class I ever attended on a ship, many years ago. (Remember the chimpanzee painting Di?)  He's quite amusing, but the lesson moves along a bit too quickly and you can't always see what he's trying to demonstrate.  We painted penguins today.

Got to know our table companions a bit better tonight, and after dinner we went to the cinema to see a documentary movie called 'Tim's Vermeer'.  There were only 10 of us in the place, but it was an excellent film and we really enjoyed it.

We've had problems logging onto Blogger and editing what's posted - Dave is fretting that his last post doesn't have paragraph breaks, but until we can access cheaper connections it will have to stay as it is!

All for now
Janet xx

No Hassle

Before we booked this cruise we though we might do something from our bucket list. I fancied New York and Niagara Falls but there wasn't a package holiday that suited us so sorting it all out would have been a problem. In the end we opted for this cruise because it was no hassle, particularly for me because Janet organises everything.

A couple of weeks ago she set up Cruise Central in the spare bedroom so that we could collect together clothing and equipment and tick them off her master check-list which has been honed to perfection after years of cruising. This left the dining room table free for us to lay out our pills, potions and personal hygiene products. It's complicated. For a 25 day holiday we needed double prescriptions and so before we could start Janet had to convince the doctor that we weren't dealing. There's always a delicate balance to be struck between the number of pills you need to make you go and the number you need to make you stop, and the quantities of pills for sea sickness and hay fever depend on variable weather conditions. The amount of paracetamol required also varies with the cost of alcohol on board and the difficulties involved in smuggling it onto the ship.

After the flight restrictions of our last cruise we decided to OD on luggage and pack three large cases. The weight of a large case filled with normal clothing is about 25Kgs which is why the budget airlines set a limit of 20Kgs so they can make money on excess baggage. Unfortunately the health and safety Gestapo have seized on this figure and many travel businesses now have a 20Kg limit including P&O and the coach firm that takes us to Southampton. We've had to buy a device for weighing suitcases that fixes to their handles. You do a snatch and lift with your arms extended and hold them horizontal for several seconds until it beeps. Somewhere, someone will now be collating data about case weighing related injuries to old people. It's not beyond a bureaucracy who have limited the suction of vacuum cleaners to come up with the requirement that in future all cases will have to be able to speak their weight.

The coach was brand new and very swish. Unfortunately the designers had decided to deal with the problem of that horrible rolling motion you get on coaches by making the interiors easy to hose down. The seats were carved out of solid granite and incorporated a little ridge at the front to exert pressure on your main arteries. Still it was better than driving and all we had to worry about, through the rain and the motorway jams, was being sick and deep vein thrombosis. At Southampton there were no queues at reception and only a small one at security. We thought the staff must have organised an appeal for a new scanner but there were still only two - although they were both working. After security, instead of being packed into a lounge to play boarding bingo, we went straight to the ship. According to rumour this cruise has attracted a huge number of regular P&O customers who all have priority boarding. I guess they were all queuing in the first class lounge whilst we just strolled onto the ship.

As we were collecting our luggage in the corridor a lady in an adjacent cabin called to the steward. “Have you found my cases yet” she said with a mouth full of plums “they've all got PRIORITY written on them”. Now if only those cases could speak.

Dave